Good Morning! My Name is Lorraine. I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with pride and control. As a Leader and participant in Celebrate Recovery, we are encouraged to keep a list of “past hurts” updated. Going back just recently, I noticed at one point I had added my brother Bob’s name to the list. Only his name; no cause, effect or damage. So I started filling in the columns and searching my heart. I filled in the “Damage” column first because I knew I had a very surface relationship. I assumed it was because he lived mostly out of state and didn’t check in much. But no… in checking and searching deeper, I realized there was a wall I put up between us. But, why?
With a deep desire to know, the Holy Spirit revealed an incident when I was 12 years old and Bob was 13. It was a mean girls incident with about 15 girls against my friend and I. After school we ran to her house just one block from the school, with 15 angry, shouting girls in hot pursuit. No one was home and the girls surrounded the house trying to get in. I got on the phone and called home. My brother answered. I said, “Bob, I need your help!” His response, “Fight your own battle.” Then hung up!
After recalling that story, I knew at that moment I would not count on my brother ever again… and I didn’t… the wall went up. I realize now it cost me the experience of a richer and deeper relationship with my only brother because of my pride and expectations. He was 13 years old, for crying out loud! I was lucky he even answered the phone.
I accepted my responsibility in this incident that caused the unresolved relationship and called my brother 2 weeks ago. When I related the story to him and what his response was he said, “I am so disappointed, Lorraine…(long pause).” Then said, “I was hoping you were going to tell me I was your hero!” We laughed!
I apologized to him for allowing the unresolved issue in our relationship to raise the wall and asked for his forgiveness. He forgave me with open arms. The wall came crashing down! What a blessing God gave me.
Sometimes we bury things so deeply that we are unaware they are there, but the wound is. Even though it was 63 years later, God’s timing is always perfect. Celebrate Recovery has helped me uncover old wounds that have prevented me from being the best that I can be for my God. And it gives me tools and the courage to make amends to move forward and receive His best for my life.
I encourage you to take time to look at your relationships. Have you been hurt? Are there walls you have put up? And the tough question, “What’s your responsibility in those situations?” Listen! I think I just heard a wall tremble, maybe a little crack in the structure…
Thank you for letting me share!