I am filled with anxiety. This Covid season has been rough. There are moments every day that are filled with joy and peace and when they come, I hold on to them with both hands. But each day seems to bring reminders of what we’ve lost. There are big things, like the passing of my father in law and trying to figure out how to grieve when our family is separated. Then there are the things I miss that make life a little easier; haircuts, eating inside a restaurant, and going to a ball game.
But what do I miss the most? My children attending school in person. This week we are embarking on online school. This was not where I thought we would be. Back in March when everything was shut down, I thought by now, we would be back in school again. Even in my desire to bring peace to our home and try to help my children see the positive during this season, I find myself getting bitter and frustrated over the whole thing.
So how do I cope during this time? Not very well. I’ve adjusted my diet so I am eating healthier, but I’m hungrier, which irritates me. I can’t get a pedicure. I can’t send my husband and kids to the movies to enjoy the house to myself. I feel guilty when I complain because I know there are real losses and real suffering going on in the world. I feel betrayed. Then I feel disappointed that I can be so selfish when I have so much to be grateful for. So I return to the things I know that help.
I read my Bible each morning and write in my journal. I spend a lot of time in prayer each morning and throughout the day. I watch church online, I come to Wednesday Worship in person when I can, and I ride my bike every other day and ask God to show off.
There is nothing better than when God shows off. He brings beautiful birds to fly alongside my bike. He sends little chipmunks to cheer me on. The squirrels wave their tails as I pass by. Baby lizards dart by my bike, and jack rabbits race beside me. When I finally ride around the corner and pull my bike into the garage, I thank God for the ability to ride, for the beauty and joy he shows me, and I remember that just like every difficult season, this one will pass.
May God show off for you today and every day.