Worship connects me to God in a way that is hard to explain. I am grateful for the times I can attend the 9:00 worship and prayer hour on Sundays. It doesn’t always work out, but when it does I am blessed because of it.

One Sunday, while the music played, I felt God inviting me to join him at the altar to kneel and pray.

I really didn’t want to. It’s so uncomfortable to kneel. I have arthritis in both knees and getting up and down is difficult. Plus, I don’t want anyone to think I’m a weirdo. It can feel awkward to kneel in front of others.

I have some really good excuses to stay in my chair.

Yet, I’ve been walking this Christian walk long enough to know that if God is calling me to do something, even when it’s uncomfortable, he has a good reason.

I moved forward quietly and kneeled and prayed. Pretty soon everything else melted away and it was just God and me alone. I could feel the base of the music through the stage wall and it felt like God’s heartbeat.

This was when God reminded me one of the most beautiful pictures of his love.

We have two younger children that are adopted. We brought them each home from the hospital after they were born. It was recommended that we encourage bonding by holding our babies skin to skin. So, in the middle of the night, I would hold each baby to my chest and watch them rise and fall with every breath. I could feel their heartbeat and they could feel mine. It was one of the most precious times of my life.

It was a difficult road to get to this place. After years of struggling with infertility, our oldest, Trevor, was born with the help of medical interventions. Because I gave birth to him, feeding him made skin to skin bonding feel natural.

When he was three we decided to add to our family. Another series of medical interventions worked and we discovered we were pregnant with twins. Sadly, at 9 weeks, I knew something was terribly wrong and we were told that no heartbeats could be found. We were devastated.

Grieving the loss of these babies was one of the most painful times in our lives. Knowing the medical risks we were taking to have another baby, we decided that it was time to take a break.

But God had a different plan to complete our family.

My mother is a wise woman and she encouraged us to consider adoption. Being the loving and obedient daughter that I am, I rejected this idea completely. Then I heard a story on KLOVE about adoption and I was convicted. Mom was right. We decided to start the adoption process.

After two years of waiting, an 18 year old young woman selected us to be the parents of her baby boy. She was 7 months pregnant and we connected right away. It was a bit of a rollercoaster but when Joshua was born we were overjoyed! However, Joshua’s Birth Mother was grieving. She knew she was making the right decision for her baby, but it was painful to see her heart breaking. Since we had made an open adoption plan, we promised to visit her soon. The counselors and her case workers at the Birthmother’s home were wonderful in providing the care and love she needed.

Our family was complete! Or so we thought…

A year and a half later Joshua’s Birth Mother called to share that she was pregnant again. We agreed to adopt her baby and 9 months later we brought home Joshua’s half sister, Olivia. God knew all along that we were meant to have two more babies in our lives.

There is more to the story, but kneeling at the altar that day brought back a flood of memories that reminded me of God’s faithfulness. It was as if God was saying “you are my adopted child and we are heart to heart, always.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR – Crista Haar

After 20 years of teaching High School, I took time off to work on my Master’s Degree in Theology. I am scheduled to complete my degree in 2022. Going back to school has been a challenge and a joy. My husband, Curtis, also works in the education field. We have three children: Trevor, Joshua and Olivia.